Into the Mind of Guys 1 - Community dived into the brotherhood and why we tend to commune a lot. In this post, let's talk about rejections from a brother's totally unscientific, shallow perspective. My perspective, in this case. Shall we?
As is common knowledge, I can't talk to ladies to save a life; and in my year of doing challenging things, I sought to try it out. I won't bore you with the messy details, but I failed miserably at it.
It's extremely difficult to approach unknown ladies and spark a conversation out of the blue. Turns out, to approach ladies, you don't necessarily need honesty. More than honesty, you need craftiness.
A way to grab and maintain attention, get her to smile or feel something unique. In the first approach, it seems like women want to be wooed by language. For subtle, boring guys like myself. You'd hardly get noticed. For one, you might even appear cringe.
My experiment was simple. Approach a totally random lady, and try to spark a conversation. Easy right? Unfortunately, it's far more difficult than it appears. What do you even talk about? Bro, the Internet tips all didn't work. Or I probably didn't use them well. Or was it because I was dressed up as a nerd? Does that play a role? Or am I a boring conversation?
From what I learnt unscientifically, you don't approach a lady with apologies. It's apparently a turn-off. "Sorry to disturb you" is a red flag. You'd be zoned out instantly unless you're asking for directions. Do you want to pick up a girl? Be confident. Roll in with the vibe, give a firm (but not creepy) eye contact and vibe your way out. Language is your superpower. Use it.
That aside, what struck me most was how ladies have the skill of seamless rejections. Ladies know how to reject, and it's not even a joke. I get them too though. But from the perspective of a guy, rejection dey pain. And it feels someway to know that rejection is a staple for brothers all over the world.
What do you even do when you shoot your shot and are bounced? Or scratch that. When the lady outright zones you before you even have a chance to like her? Trying again would make the brother seem desperate. Moving to another lady would make it seem like we never meant it in the first place - reinforcing the notion that we're probably players who've been avoided. It's a loose-loose situation.
I'm quite good at handling rejections. I mean I deliberately apply for stuff to get rejected. But rejection from ladies feels different. And it's not even shooting your shot kind of rejection oh. That kind of subtle unspoken rejection. The ones that say go your way with your wahala. The ones that you just know that the person isn't interested in what you're saying.
It hits differently. Touches your ego differently. Makes you feel small, especially when you imagine the weight of what you think women expect. Truly, women don't even know the best way to approach them. It takes lots of shameless rejections and failures for a guy to master this act. No, I'm not wrong.
For human males, rejection is part of the game of natural selection.
When the brothers meet each other for the first time, there's an assumption of innocence till proven otherwise. But when you meet ladies for the first time, it seems like the converse is true. You're guilty till proven otherwise. It's crazy! It's like we have to pass a test we don't know of to be deemed worthy of attention. Attention oh, not even love yet.
From my observations, it feels like the ladies felt I was approaching them for one thing. And we both know what it is. There's that kind of condescending look, wrapped in a polite smile (if you're lucky). And for much of my interactions, I found ladies quite protective, and I can't blame them much. I mean. You look at some foolish boys and how they behave with shame, and you're left in sorrowful awe.
I guess I'd have to bear the brunt of the majority of my sex’s bad behaviour. It is said that it's the woman’s job to be on the defensive because past experiences have taught her to be. Guys, on the other hand, are always meant to be on the offensive, shamelessly handling rejections left, right, and centre. Because it's either that or nothing.
Yɛ na yɛblɛ.
