Introversion can be awkward. That I'd rather talk to trees and walls than fellow humans, can be a discomforting realization sometimes.
It’s why I can’t stand not having an earpiece or bud, not because I love music but because I hate small talk. I have fast legs, not because I’m training for the Olympics, but I seek to get away from the noise as quickly as possible.
To me, being around people can be very suffocating and energy draining. Trust me, I always have to mentally prepare to meet people. Sunday church services need special focus and commitment.
How do I explain to the ushers and singers that although I'm seated, I'm enjoying the praises - I'm even dancing in my head, and the worship songs are making me cry.
It is for this exact reason that people like me jumped and celebrated during the COVID lockdowns. While everyone said church offline was impossible, my entire being was jumping in excitement, and I just wished that everyone would just shut up for a moment while I enjoyed my glory days. But this is not to say that I don’t like being in Church. The peace I get from Church is unparalleled and I’m super excited to be in Church always!
Meet and greet after church and events too can be a hustle sometimes, gosh! Joshuaaaa, long time no see, how're you doing? How's school? How's life? In my head, I'm like can you pleaseeeeeee hurry up and lemme go? I've seen you, you've seen me, just wave me and go, you know.
I'd forget your name, your face, your birthday the little details, not because I don't care. But come on, the walls and thin air I love talking to have no names, you know.
And be ye not deceived! I love people (but not being around them). I love parties too, but not your regular kind of party with lots of noise, shining disco lights, and jumping here and there. The parties I love are parties with lots of celebration. Celebration of ingenuity, with beautiful thought-provoking ideas and discussions.
The kind of parties that sees people sharing their thoughts and challenging their thinking. It can be about any topic or anything. God, science, vaccines, 5G, flat earth, atheism, yeah. Anything. Unfortunately, these kinds of parties are in my head so we move.
It can not be denied, I’m a thinker. Or am I? I think of all kinds of scenarios in my head, failure, success, anxiety, everything. This helps me plan and prepare for any future happenings. It’s why I can’t stand spontaneity. I don’t like to not have a planned walkthrough for things I’ve not thought of, you know.
It’s also why I tend to Google everything. (you know, the incognito tab means a lot to me). I search in private mode, not because I’m doing anything immoral or illegal. It’s not porn, it’s not yahoo-yahoo, it’s basic survival skills.
You can catch me googling things ranging from how to behave when someone is crying around you, to Einstein's relativity. Ouch, did I just reveal my secrets on crying? Welllllll, a normal me would tell a crying person how tears are formed and how they're necessary for human functioning.
What do you even tell a crying person? A normal me would ask questions like "should I bring you salt?", or if you're lucky, you'd get me trying to make jokes (which fail most of the time).
I have emotions and I fall in love too. Wait. What is love? Is it an intense feeling you feel for someone from the bottom of your heart? Well, I hate to disappoint you, but unless you tell me that my people from silicon valley have found a way to make the heart think, I’d tell you that the heart has no brains.
If I’m talking to you, then it’s not accidental. It’s deliberate. But, know your bounds. Don’t try to weave my life around yours. Or trespass beyond an unacceptable boundary. Stay in your lane, I’d come to you.
And on days that you catch me sighing or talking to myself, pass your way and go. I’m debating seriously in my head and the side I don’t support is winning. Take heart, be calm, it’s not you. It’s me. In my head, as always.
